| Analog | Hors d'oeuvre, usually made from cheese and covered with
crushed nuts.
|
| ASCII | The last name of a well-known English comedian, popular in
the late '40s-'60s.
|
| Assembly Language | Profanities used by people who build computers from kits.
Such people are known as 'cursors' (see below).
|
| Back-up | Current data errors that have been saved for future use.
See Database Back-up or File Back-up.
|
| Binary | Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes.
|
| Bit | 12 1/2 cents ($.125).
|
| Buffer | Programmer who works in the nude.
|
| Bug | 1. Any type of insect.
2. A parasite that infests software. It is transmitted by
illicit congress between people and programs.
|
| Byte | Painful wound inflicted by dogs, snakes, children etc.
|
| Coding | An addictive drug.
|
| Compile | A heap of decomposing vegetable matter.
|
| Computer | A device used to speed and automate errors.
|
| Control Character | Any person who has money to spend for any reason.
|
| Core | The remains of an Apple when all the bytes are gone.
|
| Crash | A Normal Termination.
|
| Cursor | An expert in four-letter words.
|
| Database | A special medium used to store errors, so that they can be
processed and printed many times by the computer system.
Sometimes called Input File or Data file.
|
| Data Processing | An arcane fortune-telling method wherein one attempts to
extract hidden meanings from numbers. Akin to numerology.
|
| Debugging | Activities necessary to remove insects from any area where
they are not wanted.
|
| Disk Drive | Hardware part where errors are loaded from diskettes.
|
| Diskette | A mobile accessory to store and transfer errors.
|
| Downtime | Periods when a computer is acutely depressed and refuses to
work.
|
| Error | 1. The act of buying a computer.
2. The normal result of running a computer system.
|
| Hardcoded | Computer program code that has been allowed to dry.
|
| Hard Disk | Storage area for the most frequently used errors.
|
| Hardware | 1. Boots, leather, studs, spikes etc.
2. The parts of a computer which can be kicked.
|
| Hexadecimal | To bewitch a number.
|
| Input | See Throughput
|
| Keyboard | An instrument used for entering errors into the system
quickly.
|
| Keypunch | Device that puts the little round holes in the tops of keys.
|
| Line Printer | The device that puts the thin blue streaks across your
notebook paper.
|
| Logic | Orderly path always followed by programs & errors.
|
| Loop | See Loop.
|
| Maintenance | Activities necessary to ensure that the system continues to
produce errors and delay work efficiently.
|
| Mouse | 1. A small furry animal. Fond of analogs (see above).
2. A device which allows easier & speedier access to errors.
|
| Never-Never Land | 1. Place where no one grows up.
2. Place where programs love to go.
Sometimes also called the Twilight Zone.
|
| Output | See Input.
|
| Password | The nonsense word taped to your terminal.
|
| Peripheral | Irrelevant.
|
| Printer | A device that prints computer errors on paper.
|
| RAM | A male sheep.
|
| Real Time | Whenever the computer isn't hallucinating.
|
| Reboot | To repeatedly kick a faulty computer until it starts to
work again.
|
| Reset | A button on the computer which makes a program's trip to
Never-Never Land easier. The only way of temporarily
avoiding errors.
|
| ROM | 1. A Ram after a delicate operation.
2. What programs do in Never-Never Land.
|
| Screen | The part of the computer where errors are usually seen for
the first time. Also the part programmers most love to
break. The most ingenious feature of the Screen is the OFF
switch.
|
| Security | A feature of computer system access which helps prevent
mis-use (or proper use) of the system.
|
| Software | 1. Silk nighties, nylons, teddies etc.
2. Parts of computer that cannot be kicked.
|
| Sometime | Those occasions when a computer error message can be
interpreted and understood.
|
| Table-Lookup | A piece of furniture that has been attached to the ceiling.
|
| Terminal | A computer about to die.
|
| Throughput | See Output.
|
| Turbo | A mode in which the computer compiles errors faster. May
sometimes help programs to reach Never-Never Land.
|
| Uptime | The time in which a computer works & produces errors
quickly and efficiently.
|
